Warning. Most of these are real groaners. Read at your own risk.

ARCHITECT: A man is said to be incomplete before he's married. After that, he's finished.

BANKER: Marriage is an investment that pays dividends if you pay the interest.

FIREMAN: Husbands these days are like fires. They go out if left unattended.

GOLDSMITH: Love comes in three rings. The first is the engagement ring. Then comes the wedding ring and then the suffering.

MATHEMATICIAN: Give your wife an inch and she becomes the ruler.

MUSICIAN: Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle.

OPHTHALMOLOGIST: Love is blind. But marriage is an eye opener.

OPTICIAN: Before you get married, open two eyes. After that, close one eye.

PHILOSOPHER: Marriage teaches you forbearance, meekness, patience, thriftiness and many things you wouldn't need if you had stayed single.

PIANIST: Marriage is like a piano. How well it sounds depends on how well you keep it in tune.

PLUMBER: Marriage is like a warm bath. Once you get used to it, it is not so hot.

SOLDIER: Marriage is like a besieged castle. Those who are outside try to get in while those who are inside try to get out.